


of dust and ashes (like a phoenix we rise)

by argentines



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, F/F, Just the two of them, Nyssa thinks she's saving Sara but really she isn't fooling anyone, They are so in love, leading up to it, pre 2x13, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 08:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9483026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentines/pseuds/argentines
Summary: Nyssa misses something, which happens to be blonde and stranded on an island.Or, how Nyssa finds her light.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a late night writing mess, which I wanted to post because I want to be more confident.  
> It's probably not really making sense, sorry! I really do want to get better at following my ideas and writing a whole story.

_Nyssa remembers living in Nanda Parbat without Sara. She remembers the muddy walls and the scent of dirt taking over all of her senses, her aching heart longing for something, anything more than this unforgiving labyrinth._

 

She was so strong then, almost too strong for someone so young. Her childhood was the first thing Ras al Ghul had taken for her, training her until she was moulded into a faultless warrior. She hadn’t known then, whether he cared about her at all, and she still did not know. Some things were better left unspoken, she figured. Deprived from any choice, she trained and let her anger out in fights. She left her questions to the side and punched until her hands ached with the unspoken promises of life.

As soon as she’d been ready – earlier than most warriors – Nyssa had been sent on mission, learnt to see the world through revenge and perversion. She saw men torture other men and take advantage of women. She saw the hopeless, the broken, the crazy; the men evil enough to be on the League’s hit list. She only saw despair then, and her heart hardened a little more with everyday spent outside of Nanda Parbat. 

It was then that she’d learnt losing herself in someone meant forgetting about her assignments. Though the hurt always came back, Nyssa lived for those careless nights. She knew her father disapproved and felt the men whisper as they saw most of the League’s women warriors come in and out of her quarters. She made sure never to get involved, she cared about her freedom too much to let someone attach themselves to her emotionally. Her strength proved to be her biggest downfall, as no one saw her insides crumble with each passing day.

As time went by, Nyssa grew colder and stopped seeing anyone altogether. She was happy then, she thought, finally free to be herself. Although she sometimes missed physical contact, she did not have to be held accountable for any rumours and hurt. Her skills improved more than ever, and Nyssa found a new purpose within the League. She got more involved and started claiming her title of Heir to the Demon. She could see the Assassins were surprised, not knowing how to act around her anymore. After all, many of them could now claim the title of ‘the Heir’s lover’. Yet Nyssa did not indulge in their games. She smiled, kept her head high and proud, commanded respect with every step she took. Soon enough she was the first pick for leadership in dangerous missions. She liked the responsibilities, liked the distance it placed between her and her team.

This is why when a dangerous mission to Lian Yu came up, Nyssa was called to her father’s throne. He had ordered her to go alone, to bring back information. He used her as a pawn, an asset he could control and order around. Since she’d been little, he had known how to use her. He knew she would not refuse.

This was so typical of him, not a word of encouragement or appreciation. Harsh directions and threats, along with the promise of danger. He had offered her the mission as if it was the most precious gift, as if she should have thanked him for the opportunity to save herself. The thought made her chuckle ironically.

Nyssa had gone to Lian Yu, collecting evidence, sighting at the sight of so much wreckage. Time on the island seemed slowed down, and her heart somehow found more peace there than it had back home. Nyssa circled the island, trying to make sense of the events she could only imagine. That’s when she’s seen her.

 _She_ was unconscious, laying on the shore as the tide brushed her thighs. She looked innocent and tormented, light and dark both. She looked like a paradox, with her blonde hair knotted around her thin face. Nyssa looked at her for a long time. She sat on a rock nearby, observing the wind brushing against the frail body. She observed the gashes left on the girl’s face, marks from a knife. There was something mysterious about her presence, about the way she looked both out of place and like she belonged to the island. Nyssa felt drawn to her, wanted to know why this unexpected discovery had happened. She had not expected such a surprise and now she couldn’t walk away. The girl looked unbroken, yet Nyssa guessed she must have gone through so much.

All of her reasoning told her to leave the girl, to let her rest, to let her die. Her life would be so much simpler that way, and she would finally be free from pain. Still, every atom in Nyssa’s body screamed for her to be selfish and to take the girl with her. She had never seen a blank canvas in Nada Parbat and she desperately wanted to pain, to see every shade that came out of this incomprehensible being in front of her.

Nyssa woke up with the sun, realised that she had fallen asleep as she observed the girl. The girl was looking at her weakly, with the look of a frightened bird. A canary flew by and Nyssa felt her heart break as she heard her cry: “help, please”. 

The next time she saw the blue eyes open, Nyssa was back in her apartments. The blonde girl was resting on a soft mattress, and she had just woken up. Nyssa felt her heart break once more as she realised the journey ahead, what she’d gotten her innocent girl into. But when Sara, that was her name, met Ras al Ghul for the first time she laughed, a laugh so pure that Nyssa’s heart softened more. It was unexpected, just like she had been. She couldn’t save herself, but she could save Sara.

Nyssa learnt she had been wrong, and that she could save herself. Sara fought now, she was stronger than most other assassins – and most importantly, she was hers. She had learnt the darkness of their craft, the guilt that came with every mission and had put aside her beliefs. Nyssa had been scared of this, to see Sara turn to dust and ashes like she had, losing herself. But Sara was strong, and she kept laughing. This happened mostly around Nyssa, and the Heir to the Demon smiled back every time. 

They had been on a mission in Peru, and Sara – Ta-er al-Usfar, Nyssa’s beloved Canary – had almost died in an ambush. When they had come back to their safe house, a frightened Nyssa whispered curses under her breath, pacing the room until Sara felt dizzy from watching her. It was then that Sara had decided it was her turn to be selfish. She got up and in two long strides she stood fierce, looking up at the taller Nyssa. She gazed down at her companion’s lips, thinking of all the times she’d dreamt of this moment. Nyssa’s breath hitched and she licked her lips, hands still shaking from her barely contained anger. She was so angry that they had to be in the League, that they could not be together. Unless they could. Sara closed the distance between her and Nyssa, kissed her like she had so often thought of.

Nyssa woke up the next morning disorientated, before she turned and saw Sara sleeping next to her. She looked exactly like she had on the shore of Lian Yu, the same contradiction of a human being. Nyssa often thought about the League, about the way she had thought it would change Sara. The Canary had toughened up; anyone who wished to survive did so. What surprised her though, was how Sara had never lost her unbearable lightness. She illuminated Nyssa’s world, grabbed hold of her as they rose from their ashes together and became something more. This is what love had to feel like, and Nyssa felt infinite.

 

_Nyssa remembers the pain of losing Sara, the darkness after her light. She remembers the scent of dirt and the ache in her chest. She knows what it’s like to have a part of her missing. Nyssa sees Sara, and she jumps from the bridge as her heart beats uncontrollably. She sees her beloved and all she wants to do is to run back to her like a torrent flows to the sea. It hurts her that she has to be careful, judging every step. Her step falters as she walks towards Sara. She almost runs the last meter. Sara is staring straight into her eyes, and Nyssa can see the love they still share. Her whole body is ablaze as she craves Sara, as they embrace – finally. Nyssa looks at Sara, at the girl she one rescued. She kisses her and suddenly she is whole again. As it turns out, Sara was the one to rescue her._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and bearing with me this long :)  
> Please do leave feedback, it's always helpful!


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